Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Jewish Wedding

it can be worse being lonely in some places than in others
the music and flowers
the love floating up to the ceiling in balloons
people being hoisted up on chairs
the alcohol kicks in
the taste of whiskey on your tongue
the union of two souls conjoined forever
this is the joy
the petals on the floor
the singing
there are only a few things in life that mean anything
birth marriage children death
these rituals we play them out
i was sitting near the dancefloor trying not to look sad
super aware of the expression on my face
in my eyes
and not one word from her
not one word from her for so long and then
like the sound of birds wings
as they take off
in a moment
its all gone

i wanted to be dancing so i got up and span around and around
spinning til i felt giddy and sick
a stranger grabbed my arm
another linked his arm around my neck and we continued to turn around and around in the music until i felt hot and flushed and i cried and then my friend from time saw me and in that moment we understood each other again as we once had as children
it was hot
and then the music swelled and the bodies got in the way
i was pushed aside
i started clapping
someone spoke to me
i asked her her name and she told me her name and i carried on clapping
i didnt want to clap anymore
or talk to her
she had a nice smile
nice eyes
see you later i said good bye
squeezed her on the elbow as
i went and sat down
back in my seat
i wont speak to her again
memories filtered through
i had to block them out
these feelings are spasms that rise in me
i know they do me no good and it is all ruined
sitting in the chair
more clapping
drinking wine now
before i know it its time to go home
i sit in the back seat of a black car and am driven down a foreign motorway
staring mesmorised at the street lamps flashing above me
flashing past
leaving it behind
knowing it will pass
and for a moment i am an astronaut
a horrible smile and going
going with it
hoping i will never have to return.